Simplicity of the Complexity of Loving

Ok. So it's 12:56AM Eastern standard time and I find myself in front of the computer looking at myspace and facebook pages I haven't visited in weeks or months. I am reminiscing about this past summer and even years beyond in some cases. I'm listening to the music on Keith's myspace while I type this and I can't get anything into my head but you. Not that I want to think about anything but you, I'm just stating this as a prologue to the rant I'm about to have gush from my fingertips.

I didn't make all the right decisions when I came to you, you and I, or I for that matter. I wouldn't dare say I made all the wrong ones either though. I try to think back to this time when I was a boy of sitting on my grandparents back porch with my grandfather as he drank his steaming cup of coffee and ate apple butter toast. I can remember he would sit in this decaying beach chair and wait for the sun to rise. He would take his scratchy, work ridden, and war torn hands and rub them across the back of my neck while we would both sit there quitely. We wouldn't exchange words because it was the type of situation that called for not speaking, a situation where the epicness of the world was screaming so loud words would have just gotten lost in the moment. We would sit there and wait for the sun to rise and warm our faces and once it came the moment would pass and once my grandfather passed I realized how important and influential those moments were in my life and why I loved him the way I did and why I was so torn when I no longer had him. The reason I tell this story is because this is the closest thing I can use to describe the way I love you. You came into my life unexpectedly and have been an immoveable force ever since. You taught me how to love again, how to truly care about someone, and how when someone is important enough to your being that you will be made a better person purely by their existence and their presence. I'm sorry for not prioritizing my time in a way that was benefitial to our relationship. I let things of unimportance cloud my judgement and I was at the root of it all very selfish. You were always there for me, breaking your back when I needed you and I didn't have the sense enough to realize what I had and that sacrifce was the most important ingredient in the recipe that was our relationship. I say all this to say that if the door of opportunity is ever opened for you to be my better half I will cherish you at every turn and give you the time and attention that you are due. There could be no greater reward than to roll over an old man to your soft curves, black hair, and unforgetably beautiful brown eyes. I want to take our kids to the park and tell them stories of my grandfather and those mornings on the porch. I want to get drunk with you and Noodles at our 25th wedding anniversery. I want you to be the big sister Aubrey will never have otherwise. I love you no matter what happens.